


The Great Prank War of Stiles and Derek

by Hidden_in_the_trees



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, F/M, M/M, Minor Allison Argent/Scott McCall, Pranks, Scott and Stiles are Roommates, Sexual Tension, Stiles and Derek are neighbors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 20:49:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2555171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidden_in_the_trees/pseuds/Hidden_in_the_trees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“He changed every contact name to Stiles Stilinski!” Derek said and held out his phone so the two could see.</p>
<p>Stiles only shrugged. “I’m all you need.”</p>
<p>Or the one where Stiles uses pranks to hide his feelings for Derek.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Prank War of Stiles and Derek

**Author's Note:**

> Long time Teen Wolf fan. First time writer. Please enjoy.

“Did you see that a new guy moved in?” Scott asked. 

“Don’t try to distract me,” Stiles said, tongue sticking out between his lips. He was currently in the Mario Kart race of his life with Scott. Everything depended on the outcome of this race, and by everything he meant who was going to pay for dinner.

“Do you think we should say hi?” 

“Nah. We don’t want another Louise on our hands do we?” 

“How was I to know she was pregnant?” Scott asked. “She was like fifty years old!”

Stiles used Scott’s distraction to pass him in the final few seconds of the race. “Yes!” He screamed, standing up with his hands in the air. “In your face Scotty boy!” 

“Jackass. All I’m saying is, let’s be nice neighbors…for once.”

So that was how Stiles ended up bringing a batch of brownies (homemade by Allison because Stiles didn’t trust Scott to cook and Scott didn’t trust Stiles to even make the brownies) to the new neighbor in the apartment across from his own.

Scott conveniently had to go into work so it was left up to Stiles to make a good impression for the both of them. But if anyone had bothered to ask Stiles, he would say that Scott should go because everyone falls in love with his puppy face while most people simply look at Stiles and say, “I guess it’s good you’re smart.”

That did wonders for his self-esteem. 

The person in apartment 5E answered after two knocks. 

And holy shit. Since when did pornstars move into Beacon Hills because apparently one had moved in right across from Stiles. 

5E guy was wearing a white shirt that looked as if it were about to fall apart from being stretched so tight across his muscles. And damn, that jaw… His hair looked soft even to take a nap on and his eyes were not green, but not any other definable color…

“Can I help you?” 5E asked.

Stiles realized he had been standing there for at least thirty seconds, mouth gaping wide open, simply staring without saying anything. Well, there went any shot of a good impression. “Um, my roommate and I wanted to welcome you to the building.”

“Your roommate?” 5E asked, looking around the hallway for the other person.

“Oh, he had to go to work. But we made brownies!” Stiles gestured to the plate he was holding.   
“Thanks…” but his tone did not convey any sense of gratitude. 

“I’m Stiles and my roommate is Scott. We live right there,” he pointed to his apartment directly across from 5E. 

“Derek.”

“Okay. Not much of a talker I guess. Well here you go, see you around I guess!” Stiles said and dumped the brownies in Derek’s hands and ran back to his own apartment before Derek could make the meeting anymore awkward.

When Scott came home later that night he asked how it went.

“He’s a fucking greek god with the social skills of a twelve year old boy,” Stiles said. 

Scott merely shrugged. “It’s not like we’ll ever talk to him again.”

But that’s where Scott was wrong. 

Two weeks later the two had thrown a “Hey, it’s Saturday night, we don’t have work tomorrow and we have alcohol” party. And alright, Stiles supposed that they might have gotten a little loud a little late at night. 

But when Lydia shotguns four beers in under five minutes, well holy shit, Stiles just had to freak out and scream because that’s the girl who he once kissed before he discovered the fact that he loved dudes.

And sure, maybe Scott had proposed a game of Mario Kart. And maybe they had gotten a little loud around three in the morning. But Stiles felt that was also totally justified because his friends were a bunch of cheating shits and he had to let out his frustration in his very loud, drunk way.

So Derek did not have to corner him when Stiles was unbelievably hung-over and trying to take out the trash at noon the next morning. 

“Could you have been anymore loud last night?” Derek practically growled into Stiles’ face. 

“Ugh, dude, personal space,” Stiles groaned and tried to push the man farther away (but not really, because once again, Derek was a greek god).

“I did not go to bed until five in the morning because of you and your friends!”

“Maybe you should invest in some headphones?”

“Maybe I’ll just introduce your face to my fist?” 

Stiles swallowed nervously. “Alright, okay, calm down. We’ll be quieter next time.”  
“You better,” Derek said as he stalked back to his lair-apartment.

Stiles dropped the trash bag and ran back inside his apartment. Scott looked up from where he was scrubbing the counter. “You okay dude?” Scott asked.

“Derek just verbally threatened me. I have to go lie down.”

“Dammit dude, we’re trying to be on good terms with our neighbors!”

Stiles just ran to the toilet to vomit. 

He did his best to avoid Derek and his scary eyebrows for the next few days. He had a good system going where he would send Scott out to check the hallway first before he would leave. 

Totally not cowardly. He was just being safety conscious. 

But of course Scott had to go spend the night at Allison’s and Stiles had to go take out the trash when Derek came walking down the hall with a huge German Shepherd in tow.

Derek’s dog ran up to him, sniffing his legs and his trash bag. Derek simply smirked and didn’t try to take control of his animal at all.

Asshole.

“Control your dog please. I’m not much of a dog person,” Stiles said, trying to get the dog’s head away from his crotch region because…well, obvious reasons.

“I’m not surprised,” Derek said and pulled his dog away.

And so for the next couple of weeks, Derek and Stiles would meet in the hallway only for Derek to critique something about Stiles’ habits like “I can hear you watching bad T.V. all night stop it” or “You have too many people over, it disrupts my reading time.” 

Sometimes this was followed by Derek threatening to punch him or report him to the landlord. Stiles tries to not feel scared by these mostly empty threats (Derek did actually call the landlord after he caught Scott and Stiles playing hallway lacrosse), but it’s hard not to be both aroused and terrified when Derek slams him against walls.

And what’s worse is that he can see Derek enjoying tormenting Stiles. It’s like high school all over again.

And Stiles was a grown ass twenty-three year old man. He was too mature for this high school type of petty drama.

“We need to prank Derek. He’s getting too annoying over there, thinking he can intimidate me into being a better neighbor,” Stiles announced to Scott and Allison one night.   
“Aren’t we too old for pranks?”

“Scotty my boy, there’s nothing we’re too old for if we just have the mentality of a child. Besides, what I have in mind is way more sophisticated than just simple pranks. Think of this more as…psychological warfare.”

“You’re going to torment our neighbor so what? You can walk down the hallway without pissing your pants of terror?” Scott asked with a slight smile.

Stiles put his finger to his nose. “Exactly! And I need your help. Allison you can help too. Actually, I need your help.”

“Stiles, why don’t you just admit you’re in love with Derek,” Allison said.

“What? Me? Love? Derek? In? No. No way. I hate him, hence the psychological warfare. Were you not paying attention?”

Scott and Allison merely exchanged looks.

“No stop it! Don’t exchange looks! I know what that means; you think I am in love with him, which I am not. He’s annoying and always makes fun of me. The other day he said I looked like the homeless man out on the street! What do you have to say to that? Huh?”

“I think it means that Derek is in love with you too,” Allison said.

“No, stop. I need you two to focus. We have a lot of planning to carry this out.”

Stiles prided himself on his intellect. Well, actually he prided himself mostly on his wit, and then his intelligence. He wouldn’t have been able to survive being gangly and awkward throughout his life without them. 

His intelligence came in useful with things such as school and getting into a good college and then getting a job as a software developer so quickly out of college.

But mostly, it came in useful when plotting against his beautiful and horrible, beautifully horrible, neighbor. 

His plan involved Scott and Allison pulling their heads out of their asses and helping him instead of teasing him all the time about Derek and drawing hearts around the words Mr. Stiles Hale and leaving them all over his room. 

Scott and Allison actually had an important role because they were in charge of swiping Derek’s key for him. 

The only reason he really asked them to do this was that Allison had weirdly ninja like abilities (Stiles was convinced she actually was a ninja, but he hadn’t been able to prove it yet) and Derek actually liked Scott (it was the puppy eyes) and so wouldn’t murder him if Scott tried to have a conversation.

They were the perfect storm.

“Are you sure you understand what you have to do?” Stiles asked for the third time. 

“Yes yes, God. It’s not that complicated,” Allison said. “Wow, you’re really riled up about your boyfriend aren’t you?”

Stiles let out a frustrated groan.

“Okay, we won’t make any more jokes about it until the wedding.”

“Just focus please!”

“He’s coming; you want us to go now?” Scott asked, looking out their peephole.

“Yes! Yes! Go!” Stiles said and pushed his two friends out of the apartment.

Stiles supposed that stealing a key from his neighbor and making a duplicate of it was going against his upbringing as a Sheriff’s kid, but something was on the line that was more important than the law.

And that something was redeeming Stiles’ integrity. He had allowed Derek to push him around too much. It was time to get even.

And it did not have anything to do with any sort of feelings. Nope. Not at all. 

About five minutes later Scott and Allison came back inside. “Do you have it?” Stiles asked, slightly hysterical.

“Yes, calm down,” Allison said and pulled the key out from her pocket. 

“It was really easy to get from him. We just started talking about baseball and he didn’t even notice Allison bumping into him and taking it,” Scott said and smiled at his girlfriend. “She did great.”

“Ugh, gross. Get out of here you two,” Stiles said, his mind somewhere else, already working on stage two of his plan. 

It was much too easy for Stiles to make a copy of Derek’s apartment key. The people at the hardware store had no problem making a duplicate even though the key specifically said “DO NOT COPY.” God bless this country. And he returned back to the building before Derek had returned. 

“Did you get it?” Scott asked.

Stiles smiled and held up the copy key. He gave Scott the real key, trusting that Scott would be able to use his ninja girlfriend to discreetly return it back to Derek without raising suspicion. 

“You know, you could be a great supervillain,” Scott said, looking at the real key and then back to the fake key. 

“Anyone can be a villain if they have internet access.”

Stiles waited a few days before officially going through with stage three of his plan. He knew the importance of patience…well, not really, but he needed a few days to perfect his next plan. Stage three involved a lot of little parts and Stiles wanted this to be perfect.

But not because of Derek. Because he was a perfectionist. He definitely did not have any feelings for the man in 5E. That was just Allison’s theory. Totally fiction.

Stiles watched through his peephole as Derek left his apartment. He knew the man wouldn’t be back for a while (not because he was stalking him or anything, no of course not, that’s not something Stiles would do at all) since Derek worked long hours on Saturdays.

Stage three was about to begin.

Using his duplicate key, Stiles was able to enter the apartment. He laughed at the ease of being able to get into someone else’s home, but then stopped. Maybe Scott was right, maybe he was becoming a supervillain.

But that was beside the point. Stage three was happening and stage three demanded Stiles’ full attention. 

Derek’s dog wasn’t in the living room and Stiles said a silent prayer for that. He wasn’t kidding when he said he wasn’t a dog person. He much more preferred cats. 

Stiles tried not to snoop around the apartment too much (he was a prankster, not a creep) and headed straight to the bathroom for the beginning of his diabolical plan. 

The dog wasn’t in the bathroom either. Luck was truly on his side. 

He pulled some chicken bouillon out of his bag along with a wrench, just in case Derek had a very stubborn shower head.

It turned out he didn’t. The shower head came out relatively easy and Stiles smirked as he placed the bouillon inside and screwed the shower head back on. 

The next part also took place in the bathroom. Stiles found Derek’s deodorant and set about emptying the tube, trying the whole time to not picture Derek in his bathroom, showering, getting ready for the day, showering…being naked. 

No. He must focus. Besides, he didn’t love Derek. He hated Derek. Hence his diabolical plan.

Once the deodorant was empty, Stiles got out a block of Philadelphia cream cheese and began to scoop the cheese back into the empty container. When he had filled it to the top, he set about trying his best to give the cheese a more curved look that deodorant had.

Upon completion, Stiles had to say that it was probably the grossest thing he had ever seen. It was perfect. He smiled once again as he replaced the deodorant to where it belonged.

Stiles left the bathroom and headed back to the main door for the final phase of his psychological warfare. 

The final part really put a test to Stiles’ creative thinking skills. It had looked so simple on the internet, but the actual process of duct taping an air horn onto a wall was much easier said than done. 

It was a frustrating thirty minutes, full of sweating and swearing and accidentally setting off the air horn. But it was worth it to just imagine Derek jumping ten feet into the air when he opened the door only to be greeted by a loud siren.

He gathered up his supplies back into his bag and made a final sweep of the apartment to make sure he hadn’t left anything when he spotted it.

Derek’s phone.

The idiot had just left it sitting on the coffee table. What person in the twenty first century didn’t carry their phone around with them everywhere?

An evil thought came to Stiles’ mind and he smirked as he moved to the phone.

And the idiot didn’t even put a passcode on it! Oh, he was asking for it. 

It took Stiles only about five minutes to finish and he grinned to himself as he replaced the phone and left the apartment.

“How did it go?” Scott asked as Stiles returned to their apartment.

“Derek is going to have the surprise of his life when he comes home,” Stiles said, grinning just imaging Derek’s face at all the new adjustments to his apartment. 

Sure, it probably wouldn’t help with the whole nice neighbor thing Scott had been trying to cultivate, but truly Derek had started it with his whole “I’m going to murder you, with my teeth” type of threats.

So, Stiles was totally justified. 

He’s sure that argument will hold up in court. Absolutely positive of it.

“Did you leave nudes of yourself everywhere?” Scott asked.

“Fuck you,” Stiles and chunked a pillow at his friend.

He really needed a new roommate.

Stiles was antsy while waiting for Derek to come home from work. He tried to play some video games, but couldn’t keep his fingers still enough to be able to work the controls properly. He tried reading a book, but then realized he hadn’t read a book since college and promptly threw it across the room. 

So eventually he settled on sitting by the door, waiting for Derek’s footsteps to come down the hall.

“He really has it bad doesn’t he?” Allison said as she saw Stiles sitting by the door.

“Don’t you have your own home to be at?” Stiles grumbled.

“Scott told me that you were moping around, waiting for your boyfriend to come home.”

“He’s not my boyfriend-“ Stiles stopped talking as he heard footsteps coming down the hall. Derek was the only other one who lived this far down the hall besides him and Scott so it had to be Derek. “Shut up! He’s coming!”

“Look at how excited he is,” Allison said to Scott.

“I know. Isn’t it adorable,” Scott said and laughed.

“Shush! This is going to be good.”

Stiles didn’t care if he it was considered creepy to watch his neighbor through his peephole. He wanted to see his masterpiece in action. 

As Derek opened the door, it slammed right into the air horn and let out a loud blast that probably could be hear throughout the whole building. Scott and Allison jumped behind Stiles, not expecting such a loud noise.

And neither had Derek as he let out a very high pitched scream and almost fell over, clutching his heart.

Stiles didn’t see any of that because he was blinded by tears from laughing. He was doubled over; laughing so hard it shook his whole body.

“Did you do that?” Scott asked.

Stiles couldn’t respond verbally, but simply nodded, tears still streaming down his face.

“He’s going to know it was you. He’s going to be pissed.”

It took Derek five minutes to come pounding at their door, screaming, “STILES! I KNOW THAT WAS YOU!”

“He sounds really pissed,” Stiles said, wiping the final tears from his eyes. He hadn’t planned on Derek being pissed…angry maybe, but this sounded twelve degrees past angry. He had not planned on dying today. 

“Yeah he does,” Scott said, snickering. Asshole.

Stiles’ eyes widened and he ran from the door and to his room as Scott went to answer the door. 

“Hi Derek. Can we help you?” Stiles heard Scott saying from his room. The jerk would probably tell Derek where Stiles was hiding out of the hopes that they would have hate sex or something.

But Stiles wouldn’t be opposed if that happened…so hopefully Scott would.

“Where is he? I know he did that to my door!” Derek growled. Stiles could just imagine the man tossing over chairs, looking for Stiles. 

“That doesn’t sound like Stiles.” Even from his room, Stiles could hear the smirk in Scott’s voice.

“Shut up Scott. Stiles! You better come out here or I’m going to rip your throat out with my teeth!” 

That’s disgusting Stiles thought. And then he decided to throw caution to the wind and go out and face the monster. He’d rather go down in dignity than hiding in his room like a coward.

“Hi Derek,” Stiles said as he came back to the main room. “What are you doing in my neck of the woods?

Derek growled and stepped closer to Stiles, leaving only inches between them. “I know you did that to my door. You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“You seem to be fine though. C’mon, you know it was funny.”

“It was not funny! And why did you do that to my phone!” Derek snarled.

“What did Stiles do to your phone?” Allison asked. Her and Scott were standing by the couch, watching the whole situation go down like it was some kind of romantic comedy. 

They were such jerks.

“He changed every contact name to Stiles Stilinski!” Derek said and held out his phone so the two could see.

Stiles only shrugged. “I’m all you need.”

Derek rolled his eyes. “You’re despicable.”

“Just kiss already!” Scott called out, causing both Derek and Stiles to whip their heads around to give Scott the evil eye. “I mean come on; everyone can feel the sexual tension between you two.”

“It’s really cute,” Allison added.

Derek growled and turned his attention back to Stiles. Stiles was tempted to curl in on himself under the other man’s gaze, but then reminded himself that he was a grown ass man, he did not bow to anyone’s laser gaze, no matter how threatening. 

“Stiles,” Derek said his name like it caused him pain. “Would you like to go out for dinner with me?

That was unexpected. Stiles gaped and then closed his mouth. “Are you going to poison my food?”

“No.”

“Say yes Stiles!” Allison called out. 

Stiles gave her the finger. “Yes, that would be great, cool…cool, yes, okay. Yes. I would want to eat dinner with you.” Derek raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment on Stiles’ babbling. 

“Good. See you at eight,” Derek said and turned to leave.

“Um, don’t take a shower before you come.”

“Dammit Stiles,” Derek growled and closed the door.

Stiles avoided looking at Scott and Allison, just knowing that they had the biggest “We knew it” grins on right now.

He was too caught up in his own happiness.

Stage four of his plan was complete.


End file.
